In My Life

I have been feeling very nostalgic lately. Not sure why – I think it’s partly that my parents just left for a 4 week trip to Canada. My other home. The place that will always hold a piece of my heart. They are currently in Victoria, on Vancouver Island, which is where I lived. I have been telling them things to go and see and Mum sends me pictures at the end of their day. I know I miss it all the time, but right now I REALLY miss it.

Anyway, off topic. Years before that, I had a childhood. I know. It’s hard to believe this angel face is so far from childhood. I’m still convinced growing up was a trap. I’ve been thinking about being a kid a lot. About the friends I had. The things we got up to, when god forbid, there was no internet or mobile phones.

I used to live in a house that backed on to a reserve. Not only did we have our backyard, but open the back gate and it was play time central. There were walking tracks, parks and bush to explore in. I mean these days you would never let your kids in there alone. I think that’s really sad. The neighbourhood kids would gather in the morning and we would come back when it was dark, or when we were hungry. Or friends would come over and off we would go. I remember taking a netball friend out in the reserve. We were exploring and she leant against a not so stable tree, and it fell down. Or the time my sister was in a tree and the branch broke. She landed on rocks and then rolled down them into the creek. Good times haha. Our neighbourhood will build giant a giant bonfire out the back and we would set off fireworks (when it was allowed). We would ride our bikes around the block. The first part was fairly easy, and then you would hit the hill. Sometimes you would have to get off and push the bike, to make it up, if you didn’t get enough speed to start with. When you got to the top though, the thrill of going down the other side was the BEST!

In my childhood I had a group of friends. You know the ones. Your parents are all friends before you were born and they end up being Aunts and Uncles, even though you aren’t really related. There was a group of four families. Eight adults and nine kids. Some of the best times of my life have been with these guys. While we might not see each other much anymore, because life just does that, they are still very much a part of my heart and I will always love them dearly. I would be so excited on the days we got to be together, or nights spent at each others houses, while our parents drank way too much wine and pretended they hadn’t.

While the memories are many, I thought I would share a few that have popped into my mind lately …

There was that time we were all at one of our houses throwing water balloons. Someone had the bright idea to throw them at cars. I think we tried for a bus to start with, then one landed on the windscreen of a car. The car stopped and reversed back up the street. You have never seen nine kids scatter so fast in your life. On reflection, of course this is so dangerous! But we were kids, we didn’t think about that stuff. Kids ran out the back, inside, Courtney and I hid IN a sulo bin. The owners of the car got out and stormed up the driveway to the front door. My ‘Aunt’ yelled at us to come forward. We got in so much trouble! In the back of our minds though, awesome shot on a moving target. On a side note, the person that threw this water balloon, also threw one OVER a house as my sister was running away and hit her. Skills!

There was the times we all went away camping together in Kiama. So many stories from these trips … like all the kids jumping off a hill into the sand, until Dave decided to do it from higher up and hurt himself (I am sure we did NOT egg him on in any way). Me waking up in the night to the parents laughing at my mother with her foot stuck in a bucket because she was looking at a possum up a tree (there may have been wine involved). The time we made so many water balloons (hmm seems to be a theme), dug trenches at the beach and divided into two teams and went to town. When we were riding our bikes around and Courtney went over the handle bars, landing on gravel, that later had to be tweezered out of her hands and knees. She then was made to wear hankies around her wounds before going in the ocean. We later questioned what the theory behind this was. Makes no sense now! The time when a guy came down to the beach on his motorbike and we thought he was the coolest thing ever. We kept telling him to ‘chuck a minnow’, because we were hip to the biking knowledge. Except a minnow is a fish, and a mono is going up on one wheel. We were telling him to throw fish at us. How embarrassing. Actually I am pretty sure all of that happened in the one camping trip. I won’t even mention what went down on a trip to Caloundra, when we all had walkie talkies and decided to see what they could do ….

When we all got together at one family’s house, we always decided we were going to put on a show for the parents. We would rehearse and everything. I was a singer and Living on a Prayer was my song. By the time we got the parents gathered they would say we could just do one thing. We were always so mad! We had worked so hard and had a plethora of perfomances to do … hahaha our poor parents.

These are the things that I will always be grateful for. Those memories that aren’t in front of a screen. The running around in the bush. Countless hours in pools or riding bikes. All the laughter. We may be in different phases of our lives, but they are always with me #gangforlife

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Lonesome Loser

Over the past couple of days, I have been given quite a few signs about my life. All systems are pointing in one direction, but I can’t seem to get moving. What I want and how to get there is at my fingertips, yet I am terrified of reaching out to grab it.

What is that about?!

Two friends have made a post on Facebook this morning, about how all these wildly successful people didn’t get their ‘thing’ until later in life. Like Stan Lee not writing his first comic until he was 40. Samuel L Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46. At 28, J K Rowling was apparently a suicidal single parent living on welfare. Another friend has posted a blog this morning about him going after what he wants. Why is it so damned hard for me to get to that point?

The other week I found a course that would help me along with my dream. It would help me, help others, and, definitely help me in facilitating groups at camp. I was off sick the day they called me to say that I had been accepted. It’s pretty much everything I need. It fits in with my life, it gets me where I want to go and it is not long and drawn out. There was only one thing that was an ‘if’ and after speaking with a friend, he said, if you want it and set that intention, it will just happen for you so go for it.

It started two weeks ago and I still haven’t been yet. Part of that is I didn’t receive the enrolment info until last Saturday morning. They have told me that I can still start as I am not that far behind and can catch up. My brain keeps coming up with a thousand questions, which creates so much doubt, which then stops me putting one foot in front of the other. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

Actually, part of that is a lie. I have never felt good enough. I don’t think very highly of myself. In so many aspects of my life I have always been that one that settles. Why do I deserve anything? I’m nothing special. No, I am not saying this so you pity me, or come back at me with how wonderful I am. I don’t need it. I just never really think about myself, if I’m being honest. Whether that is a good thing, or bad thing, I really don’t know. Back in the dark ages with dial up internet connections, I did the HSC. I wanted to be either a teacher or a psychologist. It was a time where your score was out of a hundred. I remember that day so clearly. Most of my grade went to the post office early that morning to get our results. Sitting on the grass, I opened mine and found a 47. It meant that everything I wanted, was now a no go. I watched my friends open theirs with amazing results and felt sick. How on earth was I supposed to go home and tell Mum and Dad? All these people with these awesome results (and don’t get me wrong, they worked bloody hard for them and I am super proud of them), and me, with nothing that would work for me.

I remember my parents opening the front door and me just collapsing in their arms. My actual test scores had been good, but because I did what the Education Department classed as ‘easy subjects’ (they weren’t to me), I was scaled down. I remember my Dad calling his brother, as he was a teacher, thinking there had to be some sort of mistake and asking him for advice. I remember people calling asking how I had gone and I wouldn’t talk to any of them. Most of all, I remember the days before I started an admin course at Tafe, because I had no idea what else I could do, my Dad sitting me down and telling me that I needed to try hard, because let’s face it, your HSC mark was disappointing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to paint him in a bad light here. My Dad is the greatest man I know, and as I have grown older I realize that all he wanted was the best for me, but hearing that from your parents, is devastating. Especially when you already know it.

I hated that year with a passion. I cried a lot. I watched while others pursue their dreams. I tried to not be jealous. In my mind though, this is what I deserved. I had failed, and now I just had to this because, what was my other option? Twenty four years later, here I am, still in admin. I mean, I have worked hard, and become managers of teams, and managed customer relations, all that stuff, but it is still never where I wanted to go. I didn’t believe in anything else but this for myself. It is safe. It is a routine. It is where I am stuck. I don’t think admin is a bad job, or a lowly job, if that’s what you want to be. I never did.

I don’t like change. I am a routine kinda gal. While I want this so much, and all these things are just falling into place for me to get it, I can’t move. It’s like those vampire television shows where there is an invisible barrier in the doorway until they are invited in to the house. I keep hitting that barrier, and then justifying it in my mind. Or coming up with a plan to do it later. Coming up with excuses, because people like me don’t get what they want. They get to be the watchers of the world, cheering on everyone else. I mean, don’t even start me on the relationship side of my life. That’s even worse!

I know I need to get off my ass. I’m just terrified.

What if I fail? What if the one thing I want in this world, betrays me? What if it ends up, that this is all I am supposed to be? If I keep talking about it, and planning it for the future, it can never let me down. I know, I know, what if I get it all? I never said any of these thoughts in my mind were logical.

My brain, ladies and gentlemen.

Fire and Rain

On the 15th of July, 2014, the stars shone that little bit brighter, and I was left with a hole in my heart that would never be repaired. It’s the day I found out my beautiful friend Hailey had left the world.

Seen as the time around this is usually pretty rough for me, I thought I would write it all down. Hailey and I met at a Matchbox Twenty concert. I was hanging about in the Entertainment Centre carpark after a show, with Marilyn, hoping to get some photos of the band as they walked out to leave. Hailey asked me if she could look at the program I had bought and we started talking. I took some photos of the band, and we swapped addresses so I could send her some, if any turned out. Yep it was a time of no email and photos that came from film … Pretty sure the whole time was in black and white and some guy was tying a girl to a railroad track nearby.

We started writing to each other as she lived in Picton and I was in Sydney. Pretty soon we were staying at each other’s places on weekends. Listening to music, watching movies … Finding out things Rob Thomas liked and buying them, like Pringles, Jack Daniels and Camel cigarettes that we never smoked. I know, who was cooler than us?!

A fair few years later, I moved to Canada for a year. We kept in contact of course but, she met someone during that time and started seeing him. I am not going to mention his name. I like to call him Dickhead. When I moved home, I met him and things were ok. Then he started treating her horribly. Always spending all her money on god knows what, or disappearing for lengths of time. She would ring me in tears most weekends and we would go through the same conversation. After months, I gave up. I hate that I did that to her. I distanced myself, because it felt like no matter what I said or tried to do to help, nothing was working and I couldn’t keep having the same conversation over and over. It actually ended our friendship for a while.

We tried to get back on track a few times, but it did take a bit. Then one day she called me and told me she had breast cancer. A few years earlier, I had lost a friend to ovarian cancer and I felt like I didn’t do the right thing by her. So I sprung into action. I was going to be a support machine! She had to go and have a masectomy, which went well. Or as well as these things can. At this time she was also seeing someone else, who I hadn’t met yet, but when I was messaging him to see how she was going, he seemed cool so that made me happy (he still is cool, by the way). On a side note, I did get to meet him later and he was and is, super amazing. He is everything she deserved, and while he moves on to the next adventure of his life, I hope nothing but happiness follows him.

So the next step was treatments and all that fun stuff that knocks you for six and messes with everything in your body. She took it like champ, and her and I became closer than we had ever been. We messaged each other every morning and before we went to bed. We talked about stupid shit, or how we could go wig shopping and buy all sorts of fun ones, because, why not?! All sorts of plans for when she kicked this things ass … and she did. For a while. She even went back to work part time and everything.

Then we found out she had secondary cancer in her spine. Now, the next part of this is a little fuzzy to me, as I am sure there were things that I wasn’t told. Which is fine, but forgive my details if they aren’t quite correct. From what I remember, this was going to be managed. She was on pain meds etc but she still kept going, trying to work and all that stuff.

She messaged me one Wednesday saying her Mum had gone to the hospital to talk to someone as Hailey had been in a huge amount of pain and they wanted her to go in for tests and scans. She said ‘I’m really really scared’. On the Thursday she had had more scans and was seeing oncologist on Friday. I messaged her on Friday, and heard nothing. That weekend a friend was up from Melbourne and we were going to a party. I stayed in the city on the Friday and Saturday night so I was pretty distracted. I messaged her on Sunday and heard nothing.

By Monday I was freaking out. No one would answer me.

On Tuesday night, I was driving home. I was nearly home and stopped at a set of lights. I was naughty and looked at Facebook while I was waiting for the lights to change. Her cousin had posted something on Hailey’s wall saying she was devastated. My heart sank. The lights turned green and I had to go. I got home, went straight up to my room to dump my stuff and I heard the phone ring downstairs. I knew. I heard Mum coming upstairs talking and she put the phone out saying it was Hailey’s Mum. I told her I couldn’t talk to her, so Mum did it for me. I heard Mum say ‘oh, no’ and I collapsed on the floor. She was gone.

Her parents decided to not have a funeral. It was obviously their choice, and I respect that, but I have always found it hard that I never got to say goodbye. I don’t know where she is now. If there is somewhere to go. While funerals are never a fun event, I find them healing. Somewhere to put the feelings. I wish so much that I had known it was happening. I would have been there.

It has taken a long time for me to accept this. Hailey was one in a million. She would drop everything when I was having a bad weekend and be on my doorstep. She would message me in the morning with some picture or words, and she was the first one I would vent to if my day was shit. She loved music, and she loved her family and friends. If you were in her life, you knew you were important. So many loved her right back.

They say there is a silver lining to everything – It’s hard to find that silver lining when you are devastated. Mine however, is the people that I am now connected to because of her. So many people I had heard of through her, but not met, or only met once at a show, messaged me when she passed. We supported each other. We still do. Even if they are in other states, we still have something that no one else will. I even gained my besterest friend Jules. I’m honestly not sure what I did before her. At Camp Magic we go through grief like its the seasons. It starts at Autumn and comes around to Summer. I always tell Jules, that she is my Summer.

Hailey – I know you are always with me. I feel it, but I miss you so much. I’m not really sure who the jerk was that decided to take you away from us, but if I meet them, I will punch them in the throat. Thank God you asked me to see my program all those years ago. I love you.

Getting Late

It’s been a while, I know. I haven’t really found anything I wanted to write about. I am here now however, so it must be time for some of my inner monologue to start pouring out.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been going through a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I’m not really sure why (I have some suspicions), but my grief has been coming and going like waves. In ways that I haven’t really experienced much before. Like I’ll be sitting there eating dinner, watching some sort of comedy and BOOM, there it is. Or driving along and hey, let’s start crying. Now, maybe I am watching a little too much 13 Reasons Why. Maybe it’s because I am getting ready to attend my ninth Camp Magic  or maybe, just maybe, it’s because July is the anniversary of my friend Hailey passing away and it always brings up all sorts of shit. More of that later in the week.

It got me thinking, that grief is just weird. It does not discriminate. It does not let go. It does however change, and surprise you when you least expect it. At the moment I am finding my grief, and yes this will sound weird, I am finding it peaceful and calming. This is completely new to me. It’s not that I don’t feel sad, because I do. I miss my loved ones every day. There is not a single day that passes where I don’t think of them in some way. I miss not being able to tell them things, or show them. I miss their stories and just their general way of being there. However, I feel as time has passed, and I have accepted my loss, that I can now find ways to heal when that wave comes.

Someone very smart and wise once told me to sit with uncomfortable things (I am looking at you, Peter Maloney). When they arise, take a minute and just sit with them. I have been doing that these weeks and it’s quite empowering. I have been taking time. If I feel that wave coming, I have sat in silence, closed my eyes, and breathed. I allow that feeling to wash over me, even if it hurts (and let’s face it, it usually does!). Sometimes it can feel like someone is punching me repeatedly in the chest. I keep breathing and figure out what I need in that moment. Is it a hug? Is it comfort food? Is it to chat? … sometimes what I need is to be allowed to feel that pain for a bit and have that be ok.

I feel my grief has taken a bit of a turn, and I owe that to Camp Magic. Having an outlet to use my grief as a positive thing, to help others heal, especially kids, is just so fulfilling. I’m not saying that this won’t change again, or that a new story won’t change any of that, but for now I am grateful. Grateful for the experiences I got to have with my people, grateful for what they have given me, and grateful for where they led me.

Unwell

One of my favourite songs ever is ‘Unwell’ by Matchbox Twenty. Mainly because of the line, ‘I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell’. I feel like that song was written about me.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2006. It happened after I had moved to Canada for a year. When I came home, I had such a hard time adjusting. Everything was the same and different all at once. I had always had a hard time figuring out where I fit in the world, but now it was so much worse.

It seems like mental illness is the new buzz topic sometimes. All these things being thrown at us about how it’s now cool to talk about our feelings. Let me tell you something. I wasn’t waiting for it to be ‘cool’ to talk about my feelings. It was more that I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings. How to tell someone all these things on my mind. More often than not, it’s quite hard for me to get all my thoughts into a sentence that makes sense. Then there was the added bonus of feeling weak or like a failure for thinking these things, and if I voiced them, I would become that to other people too.

So here we are. In the spirit of talking about it, this is my ‘journey’ with mental illness. Just so you know, I hate that word, journey.

Like I said, I was diagnosed in 2006, but quite honestly, I was dealing with it far before then. I remember all these signs – I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to participate in life and I really didn’t want to deal with anyone. There was one day where my Mum found me hiding between my desk and my cupboard, just crying uncontrollably. She told me I was being ‘silly’ and I should just get up. She also told me I was being ridiculous and I wasn’t her friend Karen so I should get over it. Her friend Karen had been diagnosed with depression and had suicidal thoughts. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not painting my Mum in a bad light here. It’s not what I needed, but it was how she thought she should react. No one else in our family had ever been through it, so to her, I was over reacting and just needed to calm down. Little did she know, that it was probably the hundredth time this had happened. Little did she know that sometimes I would be driving along and wonder ‘what would happen if I just swerved a little and hit that bus?’. ‘What if I just ran away and never came back?’. ‘What if I ended it?’. I never felt good enough for anyone or anything, and sometimes that took me to very dark places.

I ended up at the Doctor and was diagnosed. I didn’t want to be medicated so I said I would go to a psychologist. It was a process, as these things are, and soon I regained some balance and stopped going.

Eventually though, it came back (did it ever really leave?), and this time anxiety was the leader. I couldn’t think straight. I would burst into tears for stupid reasons, like at kid losing their teddy bear in a commercial. It got so bad, that my entire body shook and I couldn’t stop it. That went on for weeks before I realized it wasn’t just stress from work, there was more going on, but I blamed work, because it WAS stressful, but it was also easy to use as an excuse. Everyone got stressed at work, right?

Back to the Doctor I went. He asked me a LOT of questions. Did I feel stressed, or worried? Was I anxious about anything? My answer to everything was no. I had decided there was something medically wrong with me. No way it was my brain. He ordered blood tests and I went back to my life, where nothing changed and the shaking got worse. When I went back for the results, I knew it was my brain, so I told him. It was like he just gave me the blood tests to play along. He nodded like he had known all along. So then we discussed treatment. I got put on anxiety medication. I will let you in on a secret, that stuff, is not fun to start. I felt dizzy and nauseous ALL the time. The first lot actually affected my vision, to the point where I couldn’t read anything. We obviously had to change that around. Eventually we found the right mix, and I have been on it ever since.

So how does anxiety feel? I can only speak for myself, obviously, but it feels like I have no control. It can take the smallest thing and make it the biggest issue the world has ever seen. It can make things up in my mind which cause me to go over the edge. It can make me never want to go outside again. To me, it feels heavy, numb, or like panick. It can feel like I have had far too much sugar and every nerve in my body is reacting.

Normal every day things can send me into a spin. Meeting friends at the pub. I need to know exactly when you will get there, where you will be sitting and if you are bringing anybody. If I have to call someone at work that I have never talked to before, I need to imagine all the questions they will ask and have the answers before I do so. If they ask a questions I am not prepared for, watch me spew out words that probably have nothing to do with the topic, while my brain figures out what is happening. If I am supposed to be going out one night and I don’t have ALL the plans by 11am so I can plan each hour after that until we meet, I will not go. We all know how much I love live music. Sometimes the thought of that many people in one room will freak me out so much, I won’t go. Even if I have bought a $90 ticket. My brain will think of every scenario that could happen and talk me into not going. My brain will cone up with 50 different conversation scenarios before I even get somewhere. Each different conversation will play out in full, and none of them are actually happening.

Anxiety and depression are awful, and their solutions are not simple. The ‘have you tried not being sad?’ or ‘you’ll be fine when you get there’ are not helpful. It is complex and has so many layers, which most of the time make no sense.

So what does someone with this need? Again, I can only speak for myself, but I need empathy. You don’t need to understand it. I just need you to understand that I am going through it. Don’t give me solutions, tell me ‘hey that sucks, what can I do?’. I don’t need you to tell me your story so you think you are relating to me. It makes me feel like my feelings aren’t as valid as yours. I need hugs. I need warmth. I need someone to tell me that even though it sucks, I’ll still come sit with you, even if we say nothing. I need you to understand that sometimes I just need time and space. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, or hear about your life. It’s that my mind is on overload right now, whether what it’s thinking is real or not, the only way I can sort it, is silence.

Lucky for me, I have wonderful people around me. I have grown through all of this and learnt so many tips and tricks that keep it (mainly) under control. I have also learnt that speaking about it is therapeutic. Weird right? So, if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Be nice to people – you just never know the bag of crazy going on underneath.

Dancing on My Own

Ok, let’s get down to the truth of it. I am 41, and I am single. With a cat. Oh, the horror!! Lace up that corset tighter Ma, tonight I will find me a husband.

Want to know how I feel about that? I am glad you asked! It changes from day to day. Sometimes moment to moment. I believe in marriage, the white picket fence and the happy ever after. However, I don’t believe in settling. So basically, sometimes I ache to be in a good relationship, and other times, if you even try and interrupt my routine, I will cut you. What day you get me on, is anyone’s guess!

Here are some thoughts though, for all you loved up people out there. Yes, there are thousands of blogs about how people in long term relationships, or people who are married with children, envy the single friend in their life. ‘You have so much time to yourself!’ or ‘you can do whatever you want, when you want!’. Let me tell you how it really is. For me anyway.

The awesome parts of being single are – yes, I can do whatever I want, when I want. If I want to go out, I will go out. If I want to be in my pj’s all day and watch bad tv, I will do that too. I have a place to myself, and no one to worry about what they’re thinking or upsetting them with my routine. I can have quiet, I can have noise. I can talk to my cat, and no one thinks I’m weird. I don’t have to clean up after anyone or drive anyone around to appointments or sporting commitments. The best thing though – I can starfish in my queen sized bed and there is no one to stop me.

The not so great parts – sometimes it can be very lonely. Sometimes when everyone else around you is in a relationship, you get forgotten about. Your time and feelings can be pushed to the side because, you’re the single one. You have all the time in the world to wait around for people that are now two hours late because little Jennifer couldn’t find a shoe. You can be made to feel bad for not being in a relationship, because that is someone else’s standard of happiness. I once had someone send my MOTHER a letter with a picture of a guy, saying he might be good for me. Poor spinster Mandy, not married and popping out children. She obviously needs my help. Really? Do I?

Listen to me, I am just fine. If a relationship comes along, then great. If not, well hey, there is always room for more cats. There is no need for you to feel sorry for me, or try to set me up. Unless you know Ryan Gosling. Then please, go ahead. Honestly, I bet you can’t even name things I actually look for in a partner, or what I am attracted to.

Anyway, how do you know I haven’t got my eye on someone already? I’ll just let you sit with that.

Million Dollar Question

A friend of mine recently pointed out to me, that she had to make sure she was on her own and prepared when she read my last blogs because they kept making her cry. So to balance that out a little bit, here are some random questions and answers to lighten the mood. Hopefully.

If you were a ghost, where would you haunt and why? Penrith Panthers dressing room. Backstage of any music venue.

In a zombie apocalypse, what would be your weapon of choice? Lucille, or a human I didn’t like as a shield.

What is a movie you can practically quote from start to finish? Hmmm Grease, Grease 2, Encino Man and Ferris Buellers Day Off.

If you could go back in time and make little changes to your childhood, what is one thing you’d learn and master over the years so you’d be an expert at it today? Some kind of instrument, so my inner rock star could come out.

How would you describe your sense of humour? Sarcastic, witty … I am very funny. Really.

What’s a random award or recognition you feel you deserve? I feel I deserve an award for not punching people in the face on a regular basis.

What is your happy place? I have a few. Camp Magic, Canada, a live music show or my bed.

What sport would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to? Curling, maybe javelin

What movie would be greatly improved if it was made into a musical? Blair Witch Project

What is something everyone looks stupid doing? walking into a spider’s web – never been more ninja in my life.

If animals could talk, which would be the rudest? I’m going to go with a Lemur. They are cute but I feel like they are silently judging everybody.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever worn? Back in the 90’s, silk shirts were in. I couldn’t find one that fitted right so I wore a pajama top and pretended it was a normal one. I am super cool.

What part of a kids movie completely scarred you? That part in NeverEnding Story where the horse gets stuck in quicksand.

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done? Probably assumed I had made my way backstage without permission.

What are the unwritten rules of where you work? It’s always someone else’s fault.

What is the best type of cheese? triple cream brie … but let’s face it, most cheese is a good cheese.

What kind of cult would you like to start? One where you can sleep all day and no one will judge you.

What are some fun and interesting alternatives to war that countries could settle their differences with? Dodgeball – still has all violence without the body count.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh kids, they do the weirdest things! First thing that comes to mind is I was at a shopping centre near Coles, and a kid was running and then sliding along the ground (think Tom Cruise, Risky Business). One particular slide, he lost his footing, fell, and slid under a row of trollies. We laughed a lot. In fact, one of my friend, pointed and laughed at the child.

What’s the worst food you ever ate? Anchovies – I didn’t know what they were, so of course I just put it in my mouth, because, that’s what you do, right?

What is your spirit animal, and why? a cat – they have servants, not owners. They sleep 18 hours a day and have everything done for them.

Would you rather have skin that changes colour based on your emotions or tattoos appear all over your body depicting what you did yesterday? Probably skin that changes colour – it depends on what I did yesterday!

What is the funniest text you have ever gotten? Any text where Jules’ phone plays autocorrect. My fave is where she told me she has to go to work or she doesn’t get laid. Pretty rough if you ask me.

What will people say at your funeral? Falling over finally got her in the end.

If you met a genie who offered you three wishes, what would you wish for? no more cancer, world peace, and a bank account that never goes under $5000 (it just replenishes itself, no questions asked).

What makes you say, “what was I thinking?” when you look back on your life? The mullet I had. Who thought that was good idea?! Yes, it was the 80’s, but that thing was a bitch to grow out. No, I will not show you pictures.

So there you have it. Definitely some thoughts you didn’t ask for … Feel free to ask anything else.